Loki Memoirs 29

Still morning, "What?..." Thor looked at me confused.  "What say you?" I could only shake my head. "Thor, there is nothing that can be fixed...It must remain broken," I told him cryptically. "I must fix this, what have I done?  Please tell me," he gripped my forearms looking into my eyes desperate for an answer.  I could only close my eyes and shake my head. "Please...leave.  It hurts too much for me to see you," I tried to pull my arms away from his grip, but of course he would not let go.  Thor would only hold onto my arms tighter. "I will not leave this time...please, tell me," his eyes were sad to look into.  The blue sapphires I had fallen in love with were in great concern.  I pulled again to try and loosen his grip on my arms. "It hurts me...to hurt you," I now told him.  It was not a lie, It made sense to me probably not to him though. "Speak plainly..." he now gripped both of my shoulders staring into my eyes.  I swallowed hard then took in a breath. "You will not like what you hear..." I told him.  He tilted his head to the side and a questioning expression replaced his concern.  "Last night, do you remember it?" "To be honest, I do not remember much about last night, but what does me not remembering last night have anything to do with this?" he sat back.  It hurt me slightly when he said this, even though I could not blame him.  I did take the memory from him so he could not possibly remember it. "You cannot remember because I removed the memory from you...You will not be able to remember it and I wish for you not able to," I explained to him.  He only stared back at me, staying quiet trying to understand what I had just said. "Magic?" he asked to verify with me.  I nodded. "Yes, magic.  I'm sorry..." I turned away from his gaze seeing how betrayed he looked.  That was much more painful than his normal gaze.  Why did I keep holding onto this memory? "Loki, could you restore the memory?  Is it lost?" he had asked, I knew he would.  His eyes remained locked onto my face. "I..." I looked into his eyes.  Those beautiful eyes...their color only as deep as their emotion within.  "I can, but...I think it not wise given the circumstances." "Brother, will  you restore the memory?  Please..." tears rolled down my cheeks again as he begged.  I did not want to hurt Thor...I refuse to hurt him.  This could completely destroy him.  "I am asking if you will for me, not as a demand... but as a request."  I started to shake, I was so scared at that moment.  What if I did restore it, would he even accept it was true? "I...cannot," I spoke, my voice also trembled mimicking my body.  He gripped my arms tighter and I cringed as I felt his frustration.    "Please..." he whispered, he face dangerously close to mine, begging.  Something within me snapped... "NO!" I pushed him away, a barrier of ice formed up between us, encasing myself within it.  I wrapped my arms around myself, shaking uncontrollably.  I then began to sob again.  Thor watched in horror as I came undone in terrible emotional agony once more.  My skin had changed to blue, markings of the frost giants ghosting into view.  "Get away from me!!!! " I screamed at him.  "JUST GET AWAY!!!!" "LOKI!  Do not do this... What has happened to you?  You have never been this way before, tell me what is going on!" he pounded his fist on the ice trying to see if it would shatter.  "Let me help you, please..." he told me. I turned toward him, my eyes, I was certain, were blood red like other frost giants, "I am so sorry..." I managed to say and waved my hand in a high arc, Thor's eyes widening as I did so.  They then closed and he fell to the floor asleep.  I had to move quickly... before anyone came to see what the commotion was. I waved a hand at my battle armor, it instantly dawning upon my form with a fresh tunic and breeches. My skin fading back to normal Asgardian flesh as everything appeared on my form.   I took a few furs with me for warmth and ported quickly through the corridors till I was near the stables.  Quickly, I grabbed Brúnkolur's reins and made haste to the Bifröst.  Heimdal was standing at the doorway and looked at me realizing I was in a hurry.   "Jotünheim," I told him attempting to walk past him.  He held out his arm not allow me to pass. "You are forbidden to go there, as your father has warned you many times, Lord Loki," his eyes shifting to mine.  The all seeing eyes...  It was then I had another moment of terror.  I swallowed thickly, he knew...he knew exactly what Thor and I had done the night before.   "Please, Heimdal.  You know of what I may not speak of has happened...I need to rid this city of myself, I am a threat to the crown prince.  I beseech you to never tell anyone nor of where I may go..." he could clearly see I was emotionally unsound.  "Please...I wish not to hurt Thor...Please..." He blinked slowly and then turned taking his weapon with him.  He stood at the most center of the Bifröst and slammed the sword down into its floor.  I gathered myself up and stood inside as the dome began to rotate.   "You will not be allowed to return if I see it as a threat to Asgard..." he spoke looking to me.  I nodded with a quivering lip still shaking. Perhaps he took pity upon me, understanding what had happened and why it was important to leave Asgard, I will never know. It was within a blink of an eye that my feet landed in knee deep snow, cold air rushing around me.  The snow that was falling, harshly stung my flesh.  I fell to my hands and knees unable to stand.  The air so cold it burned my breathing passage, I could not inhale it.  Blinded and emotionally destroyed I could only fall down onto my side.  The lack of oxygen effecting me now, it would be better if I just died here.  Thor would be safe, I could not harm him in death. My eyes blurred as a figure above came into view, my eyesight had became darkly clouded as the figure knelt down beside me. Loki