Loki Memoirs 37

Confusion, "Thor?  Loki?  W-what... on Asgard are you doing!" Mother stood in the doorway slamming my door closed behind her.  We quickly separated and I tried to cover my nude chest as if it was inappropriate for a male.  She came up to me and her eyes could have killed me... "What is the meaning of this?" she gestured toward myself and Thor.  I was too flustered to respond to her, my cheeks burning on my face.  I could only stare at the floor, By all the gods in Asgard...why did she have to find out?  Why were we so stupid to leave the door unlocked? "Tell me..." she knelt down beside the bed placing her hand on my knee. "Mother, I..." I could not find the words.  Instead, Thor spoke up.  Something I did not expect of him at all. "Mother, it is as simple as what you have seen.  I love Loki and he loves me..." she looked up to Thor's face.    "He is your brother Thor," she stated the obvious to him.  "We have prayed you would fall in love with a young women ever since your crowning ceremony.  Lady Sif would have made a wonderful bride, is this why you have not?, " she looked completely astounded, like everything in her life mattered not more than her sons at that very moment. I felt ashamed, I started to shake.  Seeing mother upset like this was unbearable, so painful to see her heart ache that at that moment I started to cry.  My eyes felt like wounds that would not stop tearing, my face in my hands as the silent tears fell.  Thor knew exactly what was happening... "Mother, I will love whom I wish, Loki is who I have fallen in love with," he tried to reach out to me, but I pulled away and stood quickly.  My emotions once again mixing in a cocktail of pain and hurt.  Mother looked to me, her eyes in disbelief. "Loki...do you love him?" her eyes were of the most painful to stare into.  I did not want to break her heart, but I had to. "Yes," I choked out drawing my robe around myself tightly, trying to cover any flesh exposed.  Thor could see it, I was only a few moments away from a complete emotional breakdown.  He quickly got up and pulled me into his arms, I cried into his shoulder.  His embrace was warm as I sobbed, there was no amount of comfort he could give to me that would settle the fear that was to come.  I thought of the moment mother would tell father... I pushed Thor hastily, his face showed confusion as I ran to my door and swung it open.  I then ran as fast as I could down the corridor, Thor calling out after me to stop.  I did not look back, I dare not to.  His footsteps became louder as he managed to catch up with me.  He wrapped his arms around me and I yelled, "LET ME GO!!!"  My words were of sorrow and pain, I was sobbing struggling to get out of his grip.  "LET...ME... GO!!!!!!" I sobbed between each word.  I tried hitting him but he grabbed my wrists and hugged me so tightly to himself it made my arms immobile against his chest.    "Loki...listen to me...Loki..." he kept trying to calm me, but I did not listen to his words.  Guards from surrounding areas had heard the commotion and came peering around corners to see what was going on.   "Let.... me....go...." I begged of him.  It was completely embarrassing, I felt like a child.  He would not release me, as if I was to be scolded.  Mother watched from my doorway as I struggled against him.  Her eyes showing sadness for me now. "Listen to me!" he yelled finally.  I stilled looking at his face, I took the moment he had loosened his grip around me for my advantage and cuffed him across his head.  I did not want to but I needed to get away.  I had to have time to think, work this whole thing out.  It was only a matter of time before mother would tell father and everything would fall apart then.   I never stopped running until I was far outside of the palace's gates and near the edge of the black forest.  It was already dark so I ran aimlessly through the woods.  I wanted to find the darkest and most inhospitable spot in all of the forest.  I did not want to see the light of day ever again.  I care not what happened to myself anymore, death would have been better than this pain.    My clothing had been torn to shreds by the flora, for that reason I had abandoned my robe in a dirt hole.  I did not want to be followed or tracked.  As I knew Thor would come for me, I was not about to make it easy for him to find me. Soon I was exhausted from running, sitting down at the base of a tree trying to catch my breath deep within the forest.  It was just after harvest season so the air was chilly and I trembled with nothing to wear but my breeches. I had to think this out, Mother would tell father.  Father will be furious as soon as found out... Loki