Loki Memoirs 23

Morning, I opened my eyes to sunlight spilling into my room, it was soft and seemed timeless coming through my drapes.  My first tendency to it was to roll away and not greet the new day but I slowly felt myself wake further as I realized I had not eaten.  It was difficult to ignore hunger, which meant I would have to leave my chambers.  Exactly what I did not want to do... I sat up stretching, my buttermilk skin was showing the brilliance of black and purple blossomed bruises.  I could only imagine what the one upon my face appeared like.  By the way Thor stared at me last night, it must have been pretty bad.  I grabbed my robe and put it on, then walked to my lavatory. Upon entering, I looked to the polished steel hung on my wall over my basin.  The bruise was not becoming at all, stretching across my face from the bottom of my left jaw to my upper right lip.  Luckily, my eye had not swollen shut.  I sighed continuing to my bath, turning on the water and letting it run while the water came to the correct temperature.  I removed my robes and let myself settle into the water.  The warmth was welcoming after a stressful evening. I had time to think, none the less.  Father and mother had lied to me for all of my life, really things could not get any lower, right?  I mean so what if I was a frost giant, I do not appear to be one now.  I looked at my hand, normal.  Perhaps... I should allow them to explain... or perhaps not.  I pondered the thought for a while, slowly letting my kindness win the idea of allowing my "parents" to explain themselves.    After cleaning myself thoroughly, I stepped up and grabbed a towel to dry off.  I wrapped it around my waist and walked back into my bed chamber to my wardrobe,  my clothing neatly folded or hung within. I only put on some leisure leathers and my normal green tunic.  I did not expect to be out too long, just long enough to grab sustenance and back to my room.  I should only hate it worse if I had to stop and talk to anyone.  I grabbed a hold of my boots and slid them on allowing my toes to wiggle in them before I stood again. It felt good to be able to leave my chambers for a while.  I had not left them in months, at least that is what I remember mother telling me.  I now made a mental note to never use all my magic again for that very reason.  I heard talking down the corridor so I made a veer to the right to avoid any contact.  I quickly passed the "T" intersection of hallway when I looked to see Lady Sif talking through Thor's door. "Thor, come on.  We will be late to practice..." She rapped on his door.    "Go on without me, m'lady... I have no interest in training today..." Thor's low muffled voice came through his door.  I thought for a minute, he sounded a bit....depressed.  Perhaps he was just being a stubborn mule, but the way he said it made me wonder if he was thinking of the evening before. "Thor please... you haven't left your room in two days, what ails you?"  she pressed her ear to his door wishing to hear him shuffle to the door.  He never did. I kept walking now down to the large kitchens.  I had many strange stares, probably because of my face, as I went to the chef's prep tables and requested a simple meal of cooked oats.  Receiving my request, I walked back toward the door that would lead me back to my chambers. It was then that I saw mother, she was wearing a radiant golden colored gown but she was a bit off.  She did not seem her normal self but as soon as she saw me, she made it a point to come toward me.  I allowed her to come up to me, I could see her eyes fall upon my bruised jaw.  She even lifted a hand to softly caress it, her eyes looking into mine.  I could only see sadness and regret. "Loki," she spoke softly retracting her hand from my injury.  I stayed silent.  "I wish to have an audience with you, please," I could see the tears brimming her eyes.  I kept my face as stiff as a stone wall, but nodded.  "Thank you..." she murmured softly, placing her hand on my arm.  I gave it to her to hold to as we walked back up to my chambers.   The door clicked closed and I placed my bowl of cooked oats upon my desk in the corner of the room.  She folded her hands on top of each other and looked at me, she looked very uncomfortable. "I see you are well again, strong enough to stand and move about.  I am glad you are better..." she complimented to try and break the silence.  She took a few steps now into my direction, but I only turned my back to her.  It was very cold of me, but I wanted her to understand how I felt.  Shut out, not one of the family, incapable of being a warrior because I was damned to be a Magi and a FROST GIANT... "Loki...darling... Please, just hear me out," she pleaded.  Her voice had hurt in it. "Do not call me such sweet names..." I spat.  My hands curled into fists upon the wooden desk.  "You know as well as I do what I am....What our realm thinks of things such as I...." my words were as cold as Jütonheim itself. "We only did it to protect you..." she spoke crying as she tried to reach out to me.  I hated seeing her cry, so I try not to look at her.  "We love you and always have.  The day your father brought you home I could not help but love you..." she fell to her knees and sobbed.  "I never thought you any different than Thor.  I pleaded with All-father to allow me to tell you on many occasions, but he would not..." she openly cried.  I turned to her and could not help myself but kneel next to her.      "Please, this is not very becoming..." I took her hand in my own and hoisted her back up to her feet, leading her to the edge of my bed to sit on.  "It breaks my heart to see you cry," I told her.  She sniffled and looked up into my eyes.    "You are my son Loki and we your family...You must see that," she took a trembling breath inward.  I pondered her words, perhaps what she said was true.  She raised me, clothed me, and fed me.  Took care of me when I took ill, took me under her wing when I was to learn magic instead of the warrior's way.  Mother had indeed done much for myself.  She was one of the most selfless individuals of Asgard.  She would not be here crying, begging for forgiveness if her words were not true. "Is there anything else that I do not know of myself?" I spoke softly.  My voice sounded much more gentle from when I first spoke to her. She only shook her head, her eyes red from sobbing looking into mine.  "No..." she spoke quietly.  I let my eyes softened and I leaned in to hug her.  She quickly wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her loving embrace, a mother's embrace.  Her warmth meant everything to me at the moment, I had been treated quite coldly these past few days and I just needed her embrace.  Tears started to escape my eyes as I realized I was allowing the pain to heal in my heart. After our hug, I pulled away carefully as to not upset her again.  "Promise me, you will never do this again...I abhor seeing you cry, so painfully..." "Of course my son," she gave me a smile.  She was indeed grateful I had forgiven her.  I believe she had thought she had truly lost me.  To be honest...I do not know if I would have come back if not for her. Loki